There are many taboos and misunderstandings about sex and sexuality. Within the context of couples therapy/marriage counseling, sex counseling focuses on the experience between the people within the counseling office (i.e. nothing happens outside of the counseling office that involves the counselor!!).
One common misconception is that sex should come naturally, be easy, and require minimal effort. The reality is that while some people may fall in that camp, other do not.
Sex therapy/sex counseling – what gets people in the door?!
There are many reasons why individuals (and folks in relationships) seek out marriage therapy and couples counseling for sex and sexuality. Below, you’ll find some exceedingly common reasons people seek out couples counseling as it relates to sex and sexuality.
- performance issues, such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and arousal issues
- sexual desire issues, such as mismatched desires or having little to no desire
- creativity and play
- boredom in the bedroom
- guilt about desires
- faking orgasms and wanting to be honest
- guilt around sex
- trauma, such as past rapes or assaults
- co-morbid medical issues, such as impact of medical issues on current sex life for either or all partners
I’m nervous. What can we expect?
This is a great question. You can expect a few things.
Honest and candid conversations about sex. This sounds easy and simple, but it’s very difficult for people. If you’re used to not talking about sex, your own sex life (or lack thereof), your experience around sex, orgasms, toys, your desires or fantasies, or anything of the life, then this can be extremely scary. The goal is that we slowly have the conversations that you want to have about the things that need to be said. What we mean by that is this: if you’re not interested in sex toys, then that conversation won’t be had. If you are interested in role play or a specific fantasy, then that conversation will be encouraged.
Support in having these conversations. This seems like the same things as point one, but what we mean is that we’re going to help you have the honest and candid conversations. Part of relationship counseling includes learning how to say things effectively, listen with attentiveness, and really try to understand where your partner(s) is coming from. Relationship counseling can (and should) help immensely with that. In short, we’re not just going to throw you to the wolves and make you dive right into a difficult conversation. Rather, we’re going to help lead you down the path of difficult dialogue with support and guidance.
Keeping your clothes on. There is never a time in sex therapy that your clothes come off in the session. Your sex therapist or counselor should not every ask that you disrobe in session, should not ever disrobe in front of you, and should not even allude to that being a possibility. With that said, we do want you to reach a point that your clothes come off and your sexuality ‘increases’ outside of our counseling office. So while your clothes stay on in session, they’re hopefully coming off with more ease outside of the session and in the context that you like.
Being assigned homework (probably). This isn’t necessarily something that will happen every single week. It may be a slow progression or it may be right away, but it will always be something that you feel comfortable with attempting. While we may gently push you to try things (that are within your comfort zone, value system, and not perverse or revolting to you), you may feel some discomfort. This discomfort can be likened to restarting a workout. Your muscles get sore, but the result shouldn’t be debilitating or stop you from functioning. Additionally, while you’re working out, you shouldn’t push yourself so hard that you feel sick, pass out, or know you’re going past the point that your body can withstand. Same with the homework. Nothing that you can’t handle, things that you feel comfort doing, but allowing some discomfort due to the change that’s taking place.
Okay. I think I’m interested. Now what?
This is simple. You can reach out by calling the number below or be submitting an inquiry on the contact page. Additionally, by calling (or even submitting an inquiry on the contact page), you can have or set up a phone consultation to make sure that this is what you want and/or whether or not we’re a good fit for you. You can also email our Client Liaison to get any additional questions you have answered!